Pet Caregiver Fatigue and Burnout - Exhaustion from End-Of-Life Care

Thanks so much for this. I have a doggie I am caring for alone as I am separated from my husband. It has been difficult and time consuming and stressful. I got her when we were together and offered little help then and now I have no help in caring for her even though I live with a parent. I absolutely adore her, but I know I am in need of a break. I get very little time to just be me or to take off for unlimited time. It is a HUGE responsibility when doing so alone, even though I make my own schedule. It is my choice though, so I am responsible for her.

Thank you so much for this kind article and all the comments. I so need this feeling of understanding and community as I watch my little Johnny boy decline and trying my best to help him feel safe and comfortable. It’s such a tender time. Thank you all for sharing.

The stress is too much. My almost 16 year old boy is wearing me out. He’s about 85 pounds, can hardly walk, falls down when he eats, has to wear a diaper or he poops all over my house. I have been very sick for 3 months, the doctor asked if I have a lot of stress. I said no, and realized later that I have not slept all night for a year, I get up at night to let him out or he paces around the house and keeps me awake. I won’t miss him when he is gone, I already miss him. I need to think about my health.

:sad : I now realize what my sweet girl was going through the past few years of her life. I just had her euthanized last week and it's been awful. I miss her so much and am focusing on mistakes I made and what I "could have" done. She was a large Akita of 14 years, 11 months. It became so difficult to care for her that I finally made the decision to help her to the Rainbow Bridge.

I was exhausted. I had not had a restful night's sleep in what seems like 6 months. I tried everything I could think of to get her settled before bedtime, but the moment I'd leave she'd be awake for most of the night, banging around and struggling, keeping me awake and ultimately checking on her, then she'd sleep all day, save for eating and drinking some water. She had neuropathy and was falling down, and it had progressed to the point she couldn't stand and eat anymore, and I had to lift and carry her often. It took its toll on both of us.

This is a very accurate article. My retriever is almost 13 and for the past 2 years I have been managing all of his health issues and I am completely and utterly exhausted by it. He has several things wrong with him; hyperthyroid, cushings, severe arthritis, degenerative myelopathy, and most recently appears to be getting sundowners syndrome. None of these are life-threatening so we manage as best we can with medications. I haven't had a holiday in years, or a full nights sleep in months, and my bank account is getting hammered with non-stop bills (even with pet insurance). He's been a great dog and we've given him an amazing life, but I doubt I will ever get another dog once he passes away.

This is exactly what I am going through now and I thought I was being silly for feeling this way. I cared for my husband through his last years with cancer. It was overwhelming but at least I could talk with him. With my kitty, I have no idea what to expect from her from one day to the next (her behavior changes daily). Will have to start using the coping strategies I used in this article; just glad it's real and I'm not over-reacting.

I am so thankful I came across this article. It was so thoughtfully written that it brought tears to my eyes. I am going through a lot of what you mention here and I love your ideas for taking care of our pet and ourselves. I have a 17-year old shiba inu who can’t walk on her own and she wakes up during the night, and it’s been exhausting taking care of her. But when I look at her sweet face, I know I can’t give up. Thank you for your kind and thoughtful article. It was definitely written from the point of view of a dog owner who has been through it all and has unconditional love for his/her dog. Wishing you the best and sending you lots of love.

I lost a senior dog after a short illness last fall he died at 15 years of age and was already on a lot of different medicines some very expensive for years before he died.

I now have three more senior dogs who are also on a wide range of medicines and treatments one is 18 the others are 17 and 16.

I'm realizing now with the greatly expanded medical options for senior dogs they can live much longer but at much greater expense and significant mental and physical toll to their owners who do it out of love and devotion.

However I'm also realizing this may not be the best thing for the owners or the dogs. The owners go through a lot of expense and mental and physical stress while the dogs often have their lives extended for a few more years which are often a large share of pain in return for a dwindling share of joy over time. The dogs dont know they are getting extra time. And I am not sure they always want or need it.

My nearly 17-year-old kitty. Symptoms of nasal cancer last summer, now neurologic problems, so assumed brain tumor with head tilt, ataxia, leaning, rolling, falling, incontinence. He still seems to enjoy life, so we've adjusted. Needs assistance with standing, walking, eating, drinking, and is wearing diapers. Sleeps more and eats less, so I wake him up four times a day for water and food, which I administer. For years before this began, he had severe separation anxiety after the death of his life-long buddy, so it's been a long haul. I cared for my mother at the end of her life, and it's pretty much the same amount of work! But until he tells me he's done, I'll be here for him...

My dog Ellie (14+) has incontinence, blindness, arthritis, and more over the last 1-2 years but at this point I think she's nearing the end. I'm 25 and a baker (get up early, long physical shifts, nevermind we've been short staffed for months) and even though I'm getting paid ok enough to get by, I'm short on time, energy, and money to care for her as much as I wish I could. Three months ago when my dad went into the hospital and died several weeks later, is also about the same time Ellie became fully blind and really declined, needing to be guided to her food and water with constant cleaning up. I haven't slept more than 4 hours in a row for longer than I can remember (obvious multiple contributing factors) and frequently have to work an 8-10h no breaks shift running on 2-3 hours of sleep. So to say that I'm "burned out" or exhausted is a hilarious understatement. It's hard to be patient and not "snap" but I really try.

I’m living this article. We adopted an adult JRT 8 yrs ago no idea of age/history, was a supposed “stray”. Quickly realized he has severe sep anxiety. We literally can’t go outside - he can see us through the window- but he has a total meltdown. Tried everything, nothing helped. We’d hire a sitter for the few outings we took, the sitter fee cost more than our outing! He is now a Sr (14?), with a long list of medical issues: thyroid cancer, diabetes (two shots a day), & lost almost all his sight. He’s become more clingy; if I leave the house for more than 30 minutes he cries/howls even though hubby is with him. I feel like a prisoner. We’ve got no family to help out. So exhausted/stressed! He must be watched constantly, carried down stairs (38 lbs) and helped with most things. Feel guilty for wondering how much time he has left because of cancer. He’s already 6 mos past what Dr said; Sleeps alot but eats etc, has energy when awake. Roller coaster of emotions & thoughts.

Reading through these comments has made me feel so much better! Taking care of our 15 1/2 year old dachshund during this pandemic has exhausted me. I’m grateful she doesn’t have any major health issues, and I’m grateful she is still here. But at the same time it’s a lot of work cleaning up after her (she no longer can hold her bowels and can’t wear diapers).. Some days I spend so much time washing beds and blankets, cleaning her little bum and then she gets mad when I do. She loves her food but she doesn’t really seem to love us anymore which honestly breaks my heart more than anything. I’m so thankful we have a younger dog who reminds me of the good points of having a dog. Hang in there everybody!

I needed to read this. Thank you. My 16 year old hound mix has compounding health issues and is just barely mobile enough to get to her food dish and go outside to potty and this is so hard! I can tell she’s depressed and in some pain and I comfort her, keep her old doggie spirits up and give her treats, but man... I sure miss having a DOG. One that leaps into my car to go on adventures and vacations. She went everywhere with me and I miss that like I can’t even tell you, and I feel so so guilty for the little tinge of resentment I feel sometimes. I love my dog more than anything, but it’s so tough to see her deteriorate like this. All I can do is keep her comfortable and hope I’m doing all that I can. And yes, I do selfishly fantasize about a young healthy dog to go on adventures with me.

Thank you. I really needed this. I am really feeling overwhelmed with my 16 year old toy poodle. She's now incontinent so I have to use diapers and try to take her more frequently though more often than not she just goes. It's dirty diapers, dirty butts all the time. And she gets mean if there is any attempt to groom her. She cries when she's alone in another room. I'm at home for work all day. And I'm just so tired. I'm seriously crying in the basement just to get a moment.

I know this isn't my fault but I'm feeling so tired and alone rn with this situation.

Thank you for this article. I'm currently struggling with my 16 year old border collie. I hate that I get so frustrated at her because I know it's not her fault. She is starting to get bad arthritis and spinal issues, she falls over often and it breaks my heart. It gets to be so hard when there's not much else you can do for them. Like everyone else here, I haven't had a solid full nights sleep either due to her having to go potty in the middle of the night and pacing around at times. It's the worst when they're pacing because it's like " what do you need? are you in pain? or do you just need to go outside? are you bored? what is it?" It's exhausting

I hate that people say there's no such thing as "too soon" for euthanasia. There definitely is and I witnessed it as a kid. I vowed I'll never put an animal to rest too soon again, but I also don't know when the right time is.

Thank you for this article - almost every word is exactly what I’m going through and felt so alone about. I have been working remotely since March due to COVID which has given me precious time with my senior dog and made us even more attached than before. But lately, she needs almost constant care due to arthritis and a new injury, and I’m finding myself burned out and frustrated. I even snapped at her a few times (pacing and waking up at night), which is unthinkable to me! My partner is working in-person so simply can’t help or do as much as I can being home. Not going to work, limited options for socializing, shopping, or seeing family due to the virus has added an extra layer of stress to the caretaking process. This extra time with our pets is rewarding but at times also consuming and exhausting. I’m going to try to stay patient and focused on the positive.

Thank you for writing this article!!! I have a half Chihuahua/half Corgi that has arthritis in his back hip, cataracts in both eyes. He pants when he sleeps, gets restless at any time of day. A week ago we went through a constipation session. I cry so hard when I'm alone. I have to give his Cosequin by manually getting past his gag reflex with him fighting me. That is one of the very bads. Again, thank you for this article.

I’m so thankful I found this article, I now read it once a day just to remind myself that I am not alone! Caring for my 17 year old dog has consumed my entire life with both time , money, physically, mentally. And the worst part is he’s not dying or ready to be put down. He’s just old. My husband and I literally have zero plans. We can’t even make plans because we don’t know what the day will bring. I almost died when I took my dog for his last check up and the vet said maybe another year. I’m so tired and I don’t know how much I can handle. It’s just comforting to know I’m not the only one.

Thank you for this post. I am feeling utterly overwhelmed and exhausted caring for my two old dogs. They are several years apart in age but they are both at the same stage of needing a lot of care, a lot of cleaning up.

I wish I could talk to other people about this. I don't feel like I can. I tried to talk to a good friend once (she doesn't have a dog). She said, "Oh, I'm so sorry, I'm sure this is terrible for you, but at least you can always get another dog." I felt so hurt. I feel like people won't understand, even other pet owners unless they also have an old dog.

I won't give up on my dogs when they are still loving life. When they are too sore, too tired, or too weak to do the things they love, I will steel myself and do the right thing for them. Until then, I will keep enjoying the sweet little moments I have with them. Thank you for providing a place for us to talk to others who understand.

I'm really glad I found this - I now realise what's going on with me. I'm not a mean person I just don't have much left in me. I'm crying while I read this. I lost my Koko at 14 in April and her brothers are 14.6 and almost 17. Both old boys have health issues which requires me to be here 24/7 and as much as I love them I am so exhausted. The only thing that keeps me going is their wagging tails. I'm so tired

Thank you.

I’m a 46-year-old single guy who lives 1,000 miles from my nearest relative (they’ve never considered helping) and really don’t have a support system.

For the past 5 years my wonderful, faithful best friend has been dealing with issues including cancer, a fungal infection, lost eye, arthritis and now dementia.

I haven’t had a decent night’s sleep in months, spend most of my time checking on her and can’t remember the last day I didn’t break down in tears.

Thank you for this.

I don’t feel comfortable trying to explain my situation to others, so reading this has helped me realize that others also share my daily struggles.

I love my dog and hate the idea of saying goodbye to her, but trying to do it all on my own may put me in the ground before her.

Thanks again, it’s helpful knowing others are going through the same thing.

Thank you so much. Everything you said in this article is exactly how I have been feeling for the past year since our now 13-year-old dog was diagnosed with kidney disease. He was given a 4 to 6 month prognosis, and it's now almost a year. As much as we love him, we don't want to prolong the inevitable. But he is in that in between stage - some bad days of sickness, other days enjoying walks and new smells. Not sick enough to put down. In the meantime, my husband and I are getting burned out and exhausted. We don't leave him alone at all, so it's like having a baby again. Trying to enjoy each day we have with him, as you say, but we have put a lot of things on hold as we wait for this season to be over. We just moved to a new area, so we don't have any support or anyone to ask for respite except each other. Frustrating to know, too, that as hard as we try to keep him comfortable, get him to eat, etc. Our diligence will not change the outcome.

Thank you, thank you, thank goodness for this wonderfully insightful post and the website in general!! It's a fantastic resource for information on how to care for your geriatric dog - what a Godsend!!! My Bailey is 16 and I love him as much as anyone loves their kid. Taking care of Bailey is a full time job and I couldn't do it without the help of my amazing mother. The veterinary care plus all of his medications are quite costly. He's almost totally blind now too, I think and it's taken a huge toll on me mentally. I feel like I have a terminally ill child. I live in constant fear of losing him. Of "that day". My anxiety has never been higher than the last two years. Before that, Bailey was perfectly healthy. I have tried to seek counseling for the anticipatory grief that I am experiencing (it was so good to find out that my fear and sadness had a name or label on it!!) I do enjoy every moment we have together and he is so spoiled and loved.